What inspired you to set up Was It Good For You?
I grew up in a liberal society with a liberal family and was lucky to be able to think what I wanted. Sex was something that was still very much hidden, I think it's hard being a parent and a friend. Yes, I would confide in parents and sisters but there is a reason for friendship. Those are the people you kiss on sleepovers and play with the same boy’s hair whilst your holding each others hands.
I found my friend's were a confession box, as I grew up my confessions went speeding through the box. Then going to university meeting people from all corners of the world I saw that confessions were wildly different.
I also saw a dramatic struggle to voice feelings and experiences surrounding sex. Being naked made people feel naked, whilst others just left their lacy lingerie on; telling the stories that sounded good. A sexual bravado if you like. I wanted seconds. These people who I was falling in love (both friends, foe and lovers) were all talented, intelligent and so I saw an opportunity where people could discuss sex openly but through the guise, the tunnel, the microscope of their own weapons, creativity.
Art, poetry, film and photography often are best when they hold a magnifying glass to a depth of society. Sex IS, unfortunately a depth as we still often remain anonymous and hide when we talk about it. Wasitgoodforyou is here to display the chaos in the rubble so we can build a society that doesn’t hide and instead explores sex.
What do you think about the relationship between sex and bodies?
Sex involves a dance between two bodies, or more if that’s what your into. You are using your body and the others to glide along a ballroom bed. I think if one is confident in their body and is loving of the other, the sex is majestic. Imagine if you didn’t trust your own dance moves. Often you would look rigid and maybe even worse, you wouldn’t dance. The relationship is integral. I used to really dislike my body. Looking in the mirror I would find the worst bits. I think it takes strong self love or a passionate partner to know that you are worth every blood cell and wrinkle of the skin. I hope everyone finds that.
You talk about the messy world of sex. Why?
The mess is that no sex is the same. Sex changes from gender, race, tradition, religion, situation, age. The list goes on. I could never know how a woman feels having sex for the first time in a tube carriage, or an anarchist lesbian does in Russia. It is so individual, so different and continually becoming so whilst we seek to become even more individual and break from tradition. I guess without making a long spiel, I seek to hear all these different stories, in order to fit the mess into a titillating puzzle.
Food and sex are often seen as metaphors of each other. What do you think about this?
Being horny is like being hungry, although I definitely have more food than sex. I think I prefer food too. The media sells food as it does sex. The British Marks and Spencer’s adverts are much like the Dior adverts. The formula is, get a sexy voice, maybe even a sexy women and make the product look good so we buy it. The food industry, especially with our savage meat production is much like one of the modelling agencies I first went into when I was young. Young, fresh women sold off because of what they look like. Just as you would get a lamb shank that was tender, lean and within its sell by date. Although I think we are doing better, the internet is a double edged sword really. There is a Utopia out there and I see glimmers with this issue and others like it promoting healthy real bodies and talent over beauty but there are still also remnants of the ‘meat market’ Margaret Atwood once wrote about.
Why do you think people are so afraid of the mess of sex/bodies?
Sex is a competitive business. It all comes from affection, and that is often hard. One often has to win over a lover out of many others and often you feel like that younger child who never gets picked for the football team. The beauty industry shows what’s appealing and if you aren’t getting any, they show ways to get it, a formula of white teeth, gym sessions and so on. So if your lonely why wouldn’t you? Self love, knowing you're good enough and people will pick you, want you or love you. They will desire you and one-day fight with you over what neighbourhood you want to live in. …WILL HAPPEN.
What impact do you think sex/ physical contact has on our relationship to bodies?
All I can say is that when I was touched as if I was the most appealing, the most desirable, and the most wanted women in the world every hair stood on end and my body glowed. But then it can also just be from a stare and it is like wrapping a huge warm blanket around your body.
How can sex contribute to a change in our understanding and emotional experience of the body?
I think sexuality can be found before sex and it is the biggest contributor in changing understanding and emotional experiences and especially when you talk about and share these.I masturbated from a very young age. Kept it in my room. Under the covers. I felt safe there and every orgasm was a thank you to my body for keeping me standing, sleeping, eating, being. Not until I opened up about it did I know the force of my sexuality. I felt special and when others told me they did it too It was a community I was exhilarated being a part of. My body became stronger knowing others were aware pleasure could be found on your own, and a pleasure that is literally other worldly.
Visit https://wasitgoodforyou.co.uk/ to explore sex stories of mess, chaos, love, pain and first time experiences